There is a “factoid” going around about American education. The factoid says, when the performance of American students is compared to the performance of students in other industrialized countries, they come out near the bottom in every area except . . . self-esteem. We lead the world in self-esteem. In other words, Americans may be dumber than dirt, but we feel good about ourselves.
Having spent a lot of time with people who were crippled by their low self-esteem, I have always felt that it doesn’t hurt to help people feel good about themselves. But I’ve recently begun to wonder if positive affirmation is really the path to living your best life now?
In the passage from Romans that I began commenting on last week, Paul talks about transformation. He even uses the word “metamorphosis” in the original Greek to emphasize the radical nature of this transformation, which begins with a “renewing of you mind” (Rom. 12:2).
In the “motivational literature” section of your library, the books will tell you that you need to think of yourself as capable of great things. That may be, but that’s not what Paul says. He says that real transformation comes when we “do not think more highly of ourselves than we ought, but to think with sober judgment”.
The Greek word, translated as “sober judgment” is often contrasted with Greek words for “crazy”. It implies a deeply sane and realistic approach to life. And when we adopt that approach to life, our lives really do change. But it isn’t always easy to get real – especially about ourselves.
This truth is illustrated by a French fairy tale. I invite you to leave this blog and read it yourself, but in case you don’t have time, here is the thumbnail version:
A king overcame the spell of an evil sorcerer in order to win the love of his future wife. The sorcerer then pronounced a curse on the king. The child that would be born to this couple, he said, “will never be happy until he discovers that his nose is too long.”
Well, as curses go, this beats being turned into a frog, or sleeping for 100 years after piercing your finger on a spindle. The king thought, “How would he not know his nose is too long? At the very least, I will tell him as soon as he is able to understand.”
Unfortunately the king died just before his son was born. In many ways, he was a beautiful child. He had his mother’s eyes and his father’s strong jaw, but he had a schnozzle that covered half his face. His mother who did not know of the curse because the sorcerer forced the king to keep it a secret, was taken aback, but her ladies-in-waiting assured her that it was simply a strong Roman nose. All the best people have large strong noses, and his mother began to see it as an asset rather than a liability.
Nevertheless, no one was admitted into the young Prince’s presence who did not have a very large nose – although even the largest didn’t come close to the Prince’s in size. Portraits of his ancestors were “touched up” to emphasize their noses. He was also pointedly taught by his instructors that Alexander the Great, Julius Caesar, and other heroes all had very large noses. Cleopatra was an object of desire because of her nose.
At the age of 21, the Prince’s mother commissioned paintings of all of the eligible princesses in the lands surrounding their own, so the Prince could make a suitable choice for a wife. The Prince immediately fell in love with one princess, who, although she had a small nose, struck him as the most beautiful one of all.
The Prince set off to win her hand, but as he passed the boundaries of his own country, people began to laugh and point and hold their noses as he passed. He noted that all of them appeared to be nasally challenged compared to the people in his own retinue, and he assumed that they were jealous.
When he arrived at the home of the princess with whom he had fallen in love, the king, her father, welcomed him. The Prince had the resume of a fine potential son-in-law, but the king was taken aback by the size of his nose. He decided to let his daughter make the decision and summoned her, but before she arrived at the throne room, the sorcerer who had cursed the Prince before he was born, kidnapped the Princess and ran off with her.
The king told the Prince that if he could rescue the Princess, he would give her to the Prince as his wife. The Prince rode off in pursuit – a pursuit that was slowed every time he had to stop and ask people if they had seen a sorcerer carrying a princess pass by. Every time he asked for help, people would laugh so hard they could not answer for several minutes. This cost the Prince valuable time and he fell further and further behind.
Finally, unable to follow the track any farther, the Prince was in despair. Right then he met a good fairy who had been a friend of his father’s and who was willing to help. She could not, she said, absolutely defeat the Sorcerer, but she could get the Princess out of his hands by encasing her in crystal. All the Prince needed to do was kiss her hand – the one part of her that was not in crystal and the Princess would be set free to marry him.
The Prince followed the Good Fairy’s directions and found the Princess – encased in crystal, with only one small hand sticking out. He raced to her and bent to kiss her hand, but he could not. His nose got in the way. Turn which ever way he might, the Prince’s lips could not touch the Princess’s hand. Finally, the Prince said in exasperation, “My nose is too big.” At which point his nose was immediately changed to a normal size, he kissed the Princess’s hand and she was set free.
They not only lived happily ever after, but the Prince turned into an exceptionally fine king because he had such a realistic view of himself and his faults as well as his strengths.
We often don’t see our own “big noses” and how they are getting in our own way, partly because the people who love us try very hard to tell us that our noses really aren’t that big – and besides, a lot of good people have the same characteristic.
However, nothing is as transforming as seeing the truth about ourselves. It may be painful, but in the end, it can be amazingly freeing to own a fault, a habit, or a particular way of looking at life that has been getting in our way.
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